2011 has been a very transformative year for me. I know women say this all the time, but suddenly, in my 30s, I finally feel steady in my power. Each step I have taken this year has been a stronger, wiser choice and I find myself surrounded by the deepest of blessings and the most rooted friendships to date.
I’ve had to look back. I’ve had to even go back and tie up some loose ends. That felt incredibly risky but with great risk comes great reward. It allowed me to set down anger and had me feeling lighter than ever. And in going back, I was able to pick up a long lost friend. Someone who i’ve missed terribly but clearly we needed the time and space to revisit our friendship from a new, more direct vantage point. Sometimes looking back is fruitful. Because when you move forward, you leave a beautiful wake behind you.
And sometimes looking back is just a time suck and a drain on all sorts of your energy. Hubby and I spent a night away from the baby for the first time. We drove down the coast not too far from our home and sat on a quiet beach and caught up on life. Important to make those moments happen as parents who are in love with each other. We had a luxuriously long dinner – neither one of us had to take turns to eat so the other could watch the baby. We could talk uninterrupted. We could even just sit still in silence. Glorious.
The next morning, I popped up at 7am and told him, “Let’s go home!” I missed our little one so much. It made me fully realize that every part of our life is better with her in it. Until that moment, I still had the occasional hankering to run off to a concert if I wanted to or meet up with my girls on a moment’s notice for drinks – spontaneity is generally incompatible with a 17-month old running around at home! But a full 24 hours away from Mia changed all that completely.
Motherhood is the best thing that has every happened to me – hands down. It has taught me so many things and given me so many gifts. And now the latest nugget I’ve received is knowing that there is nothing to look back at because everything I have ever wanted is right here with me. That is an amazing feeling and one I’m going to happily take with me into the New Year.